The HL Encyclopedia - Social Skills

In this edition of the HL Encyclopedia, we introduce our readers to the innumerable utilities of speaking in specialist jargon. Very often have we ourselves sat next to a table of seraps, unable to gush about the cascade of hair across bare shoulders, or how magnificent we genuinely think breasts are. Here then, are a series of handy little expressions tailored to meet your social needs. Talk about that serap's breasts without her knowing. Make nasty remarks about the chap next to you and dissolve into a private fit of giggles. Since really, there is nothing more enjoyable than speaking one's mind, while at the same time being able to avoid verbal abuse or bodily injury. We include examples for the more contextually subtle phrases.

Entry: Football Analogies

1) Good Save - To hurriedly, but gracefully cover up or explain away an awkward slip of the tongue.

Nono, I didn't say settle for you, I said settle with you.

2) Tap In - A female who requires little persuasion to collaborate in acts of sexual congress.

3) Open Goal - A female who requires no persuasion.

4) The Roy Carroll - To deny, feign ignorance or indignation over a situation that is unquestionably your fault.

Ahahahaha... action not scared girlfriend only. I saw you brushing teeth and eating mints after you smoke yesterday. Why buka the Roy Carroll all?

5) No One Calling For The Ball - Someone you are unable to imagine in a relational or sexual context, regardless of how impoverished your sexual situation may be.

What to do? I damn long no one calling for the ball already. No choice lor. Have to fall back on 'self-indulgence'.

6) Drop Shoulder/Step-Over - To skillfully evade the unwanted attentions of a 'No One Calling For The Ball' sort.

Ahahaha... She's gonna get you dei... I see how long more you can drop shoulder.

7) Assist - A third-party interjection that increases your chances of getting with a female.

All I needed was an assist dei. But nooooo, you had to drive your car into a tree. See, by the time you come she go already.

8) Goalmouth Scramble - Where two or more persons are jostling for the attentions of a single object of desire.

I dunno man. She this kind of serap, sure goalmouth scramble one. I dunno if i can take another knock on the shins.

9) Goal-line Clearance - An unfortunate, last minute denial of sexual favours.

Err...sorry lah, i need to go. My mother ask me go back drink soup.

10) 85th Minute Substitution - To notice a serap for the first time when the semester is already coming to a close.

HL #1: Pukimak...who is that serrrappp?
HL #2: Dunno dei...never seen her before. Might be an 85th minute sub.
HL #1: I liiike it!!!

*It may have occured to the reader at this point that the discussion above appears to revolve around women and sex. We apologise if that has indeed been the case. It's just that there aren't that many topics we know how to go on at length about.

*It may also seem that we have cast women in a rather sexist light. But this is not so. Remember, there is little we adore as much, or for whom we would willingly endure long queues to procure Hello Kitty toys. Really.